1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day

2. Put M&M's on layaway.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in house-wares," and see what happens.

4. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."

5. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

6.Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the rest rooms.

7. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

8. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

9. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

10. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you floss your teeth or prode around your nose.

11. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men

12. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

13. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

14. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest rooms.

15. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."

16. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

17. Sit on a chair and read a book for hours.

18. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"

19. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

20. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

21. Go into the dressing room, wait a couple of minuetes, and then yell real loud..."Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"

22. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.

23. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

24. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to
join.

25. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
spray air fresheners.

26. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

27. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

28. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly,
especially in thin aisles.

29. Play with the automatic doors.

30. Walk up to complete strangers and scream, " OH MY FREAKING GAWD!!! I haven't seen
you in so long." etc. See if they play along.

31. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself
loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"

32. Repeat #31 in the jewelry department.

33. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are
taking it for a test drive.

34. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet
behind them. Do this until they leave the store.

35. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store
as your playing field.

36. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look
mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"

37. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and
when they say you didn't buy it there say "Hmmmm....I thought
the customer was always right!"

38. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other
aisles.

39. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,
"I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."

40. TP as much of the store as possible.

41. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

42. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
upside down.

43. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between
them yelling "Red Rover."

44. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any
in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)

45. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.

46. Hold indoor shopping cart races. 

47. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

48. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

49. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to
your Twinkies."

50. Two words: Marco Polo.

51. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet
section, etc.

52. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's.

53. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with
various funnels.

54. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at
something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

55. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

56. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.

*BONUS*

57. Attempt to do all of the above in the same visit, without
getting kicked out.

58. Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you
can make.